Pre-Conception

Pope John Paul II speaks of living his life as a gift. I believe that he calls it “the law of the gift” according to George Weigel. Ever since I started to seriously contemplate the Theology of the Body and its effect on me as a man and my marriage, I have tried to live this law. At times it seems more difficult than others, but in the end, I find that God blesses me abundantly as a result of my efforts.

Upon turning 30 I decided that I would spend the next four years getting to know Christ. There is a definite reality that sets in at 30. The idea that your idealistic dreams may not come to fruition, you are at your peak in your major league baseball career. Having been married a few months before, I simply wanted to embrace the coming three years by trying to more fully immerse myself in the mindset of Jesus Christ, since he was the same age when his ministry began.

When I turned 31 I realized that I had done little in getting to know Jesus and had spent the majority of the last year getting to know my new wife. She had started a permanent position at the primary school she was teaching at. Teaching 42 Kindergarten students every day had left her exhausted but pleased with her efforts. She was going to receive credit for her time as a substitute so tenure would be achieved a year and a half ahead of time.

Dominique has more gifts then I could list and to do so would be an embarrassment to her. Most noticeably is her singing voice. Beyond that, however, was compassion, a desire to serve, a need to grow closer to God through our marriage. Once when discussing Natural Family Planning with a group of engaged couples, she spoke of her desire to lead me to heaven through our marriage and that struck me deeply.

In the Pope’s writings, there is almost a mystical quality to what the married couple can achieve. There is such a bond that I cannot begin to describe with the limited vocabularies of the languages on this planet.

Our biggest test, however, came a few months ago in January. A position opened with a national youth ministry organization and I felt that God wanted us to consider it. It would require a move of over a thousand miles. My wife would have to leave her family and the job that she had grown to love. For me it was a tremendous opportunity to grow in my career and to be around people I respected and admired. What we found in the test, however, was a deep desire to sacrifice for the other person. I knew, deep in my heart, how painful it would be for my wife to leave her school district where she had met so many wonderful coworkers. I knew that despite her assurances, it would be extremely difficult for her to leave her family as she had been born and raised on Long Island.

For her part, she constantly spoke of a desire to sacrifice for me. She was upset at the prospect that I would be willing to sacrifice the possibility of this opportunity for her.

I remember a friend of mine referring me to Sirach 40:20 in the midst of our deepest trials in this month. It is funny when I think about it because embracing the word of God at this point was what we really needed to do.

My spiritual director made mention of the fact that we had gone through a time when we in fact lived out our wedding vows. That our marriage was more than fine, it was incredibly solid.

Out of that mutual self-sacrifice came a time of tremendous grace. I remember, after we made the decision to stay on Long Island, telling her that God had something really big that he was preparing us for. For my part, I had no idea what it was. I am sure at the time, neither did she.